First count for new Majority Leader showed more votes cast than Republicans present!!

Posted on by Joshua Dysart Posted in Journal, News & Politics | Leave a comment

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Tom Delay! Pope of the side deal, baby!!

So let me get this straight. The old Majority Leader is being investigated for ethics violations; Rep. Randy Cunningham, R-Calif., has resigned and been convicted; Rep. Bob Ney, R-Ohio, faces scrutiny in a wide-ranging congressional corruption investigation symbolized by convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff (a scandal which is most definitely a Republican affair, despite what WASHINGTON POST public editor Deborah Howell said); there’s still some very reasonable lingering doubts about irregularities during the 2000 election, even a few grumblings about the 2004 election; the Donkeys are calling the Elephants a “Culture of Corruption” and now, during the vote for a new, ethical leader that will shine out like a bold and honest beacon for the Grand Old Party to steer clear of the rocks by, the first count shows more votes cast than Republicans present!

Wow. That’s… I… I mean… well, I’m speechless. As Jon Stewert said, “It’s not that you can’t make this stuff up, it’s that you wished you had to.”

Apparently it was Rep. Roy Blunt, R-Missouri, who lost a vote in the second round of counting, allowing for the win of Rep. John Boehner, R-Ohio… for what that’s worth.

DCLJ10602022134_sp.jpeg Rep. John Boehner, left, stands with Rep. Roy Blunt, after Boehner was elected House Majority leader. Thursday, Feb. 2, 2006, in Washington DC.

Although, the reality of it isn’t nearly as fun as my wacko, leftist accusations. Here’s the reason the AP reported for the overage…

“Blunt’s position as temporary majority leader had made him the front-runner, but he ended seven votes short of the necessary majority on a first-round secret ballot. He had 110 votes and Boehner had 79, followed by Shadegg with 40 and Rep. Jim Ryun of Kansas, who was not an announced candidate, with two. After Shadegg and Ryun dropped out, Boehner won his second-ballot victory, defeating Blunt on a 122-109 vote.”

I’ve also read on the “Free Minds, Free Markets” blog, REASON, that….

“…the first vote resulted in a wacky mix-up wherein nobody was sure whether they had the correct number of ballots.” Check out that entry for a fantastic rundown on our new House Majority Leader’s ties to lobbyists by the way.

Something else I’ve read is, “Apparently the confusion was whether or not a Representative from Puerto Rico was entitled to vote (they were).” But I have no decent source for this one.

Still, whether someone is stacking the ballot box or it’s all just an honest mistake, the message here is clear (and repeatedly born out by recent events)… REPUBLICANS CAN’T RUN AN ELECTION FOR SHIT!!

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Rep. Randy “Duke” Cunningham (R-Calif.) supported government contracts for a defense firm with whose president he has had personal dealings. One of these dealings included buying a Duke home at a wildly inflated price.

Meanwhile in other news regarding the party of morality and strong Christian values, Alberto Gonzales testified before the Senate Judiciary Committee to defend the NSA’s wiretaps today. Once the hearings started, the committee agreed on a party-line vote not to put Gonzales under oath. Because, I mean… why would he lie? THINK PROGRESS has the transcript.

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The last case Albert Gonzales defended. His client wasn’t the naked guy.

And as a final parting shot I’ll leave you with this transcript from CNN, which has nothing to do with Republican corruption in the slightest…

“KYRA PHILLIPS, CNN ANCHOR: Defense Secretary Donald Ru right now speaking before the National Press Club newsmaker luncheon. But it was just a few minutes ago he was interrupted by an anti-war protester. He had just been asked a question, where is Osama bin Laden? This is what happened.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Thousands are coming this weekend!

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Secretary Rumsfeld, I’m sorry your First Amendment rights were not respected at the National Press Club.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Take this program with you! You are torturing people!

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Anyway, secretary…

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: This world needs to wake up and stop this war, this criminal war! You are a war criminal!

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Shut up!

DONALD RUMSFELD, SECY. OF DEFENSE: Well, we’ll count her as undecided.”

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Donald Rumsfeld… always cool under fire.

Review of Swamp Thing #23

Posted on by Joshua Dysart Posted in Comic Books, Home, Press & Appearances | Leave a comment

Bill Baker, the noted comics journalist who has written a book based on his three hour, definitive interview with grand master storyteller Alan Moore (Alan Moore Spells It Out: On Comics, Creativity, Magic and much, much more) has mentioned Swamp Thing #23 in his blog. Here’s what he had to say…

“Joshua Dysart continues to crack open his psyche, pour it into his word processor and through some alchemical process, aided and ably abetted by regular artist Enrique Breccia, to explore the nature of the beast, the nature of Man, Nature and Man versus Nature, and — particularly in this arc — the nature of Story and what its role is in, and to, today’s world. Sound deep and maybe a bit confusing? Well, it is, a bit, but that’s also the nature of things. And of the journey that Alan Moore began twenty-plus years ago, and Dysart, Breccia and co. are now charting. At worst, this is startling and utterly original work, while at its best it is deeply disturbing, daring, darkly humorous and utterly devastating. Not for everyone, true, but well worth investigating for the obvious amount of time and quality of craftsmanship evident upon each page.”

Here’s Bill’s most recent interview.

Here’s his regular column on the BOOKSLUT website.

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Eric Powell’s awesome cover to Swamp Thing #23.

Robot Spammer Capitalist Fuckers be Gone!!

Posted on by Joshua Dysart Posted in Cool Stuff!, Journal, Science & Tech | Leave a comment

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This was one of the hundreds of posts spammed to my site in the last few days (the poster’s command of English is fantastic!):

“Do You have enough pwoer to provide your patrner high quality S-EX on St.Valentine day? Get a MONSTTER pwoer, nothing can bring your ererction down! Show your partner the PWOER of your LOEV and she will always remember You. Loev will ALWAYS be associated with YOU! Your order will be PRIVATE, nobody will know what You use. Follow this link and get SSPECIAL DISSCOOUNT for that period!”

That’s right! The hero of the bowery knows the game. You need Herbal Viagra!! Punk rock has a big dick so get with the program!! We have the proven penis enlargement for you!! All here at JoshuaDysart.com!!

AGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Internet! The greatest idea in the history of the species (at least since yoga) and these assholes use it to spam my tiny, un-ambitious website, proving, once and for all, that some form of viral evil will infect every model of communication humanity dreams up! We are poisoned to the bone, my children!! Poisoned to the bone!!

Screw the fictional, perpetually erect, golden boy these insecurity vultures are trying to pass off as the standard for masculinity!! The guys who figured out how to give me this electronic advertising VD were the same bastards who were selling snake oil out the back of a wagon a hundred and fifty years ago! (Or just 75 years ago if you’re from west Texas).

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Every year during May and June, thousands of villagers from remote areas of the Himalayan region of Nepal, risking their own lives, head for high mountains to collect yarsagumba, believed to be a cure for sexual impotency, among other things. It is estimated that one villager can earn up to Rs. 2,500 approximately $35 a day by collecting yarsagumba which is beyond the monthly salary of many Nepalese households. Yarsagumba with its Latin name cordyceps sinesis literally means “summer plant and winter insect” in Tibetan. Before the rainy season begins, spores of the cordyceps mushroom settle on the heads of caterpillars’ that live underground. The fungus gets so much into the body of the caterpillar that it grows out through its head and drains all the energy from the insect ultimately killing it. (Intelligent Design my ass).

Sigh… all right, that’s it… my rant’s done. Of course my raving won’t keep the bastards from attaching their mindless ad leeches to my site, but I want the posting feature to start being more active. I’d like to communicate to my readers through it. It’s not perfect, but it’s something. It’ll mean I’ll have to be more pro-active about cleaning the spam out of course. I’ll do my best.

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In December of 2000 a Welsh rugby team “The Wizards” began to stiffen its defense with the help from a Chinese supplement dubbed “herbal viagra.” A product containing an extract of fungus taken from the larval remains of silkworms.

It’s been a long time since I’ve given any love to this site. I’ve been busy… which is awesome (more on that below), but I figure I should post something so that the first thing new people see isn’t that picture of me pissing on a wall from the last entry. Particularly since I have an all-ages horror comic coming out this summer, and 13 to 16 year-old kids need to see my penis about as much as they need to be sold herbal Viagra.

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Ginseng root on a billboard in downtown Shanghai. Remarkably managing to be phallic and have a vagina at the same time.

I’m going to try to make something interesting of this site. You know, post more regularly, lots of links… even some new ideas about content that I can’t mention here for fear that the whim will pass and the plans will never be executed. I have two big projects looming (which I can’t talk about yet) and they might get in the way of this website’s master plan, but we’ll see. Also, it should be mentioned that I’m a laughable example of anything but lazy. Generally, I’d rather go over the falls than row. But I have an inkling of creativity and a persistent desire to never have a day job again, so it’s definitely in my best interest to keep this website up to date, looking professional and filled with relatively engaging content. We’ll see how it goes.

WORK IS GOOD

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Cover to the upcoming Swamp Thing #26 “Burying the Bones”

My second SWAMP THING trade (from Vertigo Comics), HEALING THE BREACH, will be hitting in February. The book includes the title story by ENRIQUE BRECCIA, plus the stories THE HOLLAND MIND drawn by Ronald Wimberly and LITTLE RUNAWAY by the incomparable RICHARD CORBEN. The trade features my most experimental storytelling on the title to date, so check it out. The monthly pamphlet is wrapping up THE BLEEDING RACONTEUR story line this month, then guest artists DEAN ORMSTOM (BOOKS OF MAGIC: LIFE DURING WARTIME) will be penciling #25 and JOCK (THE LOSERS) will be busting out #26. Both of these cats are awesome, and I’ve been seeing the pages from them as they come in. They’re just going to be fantastic looking books. #25, entitled MEANWHILE… IN HOUMA, is all monsters, girls and mayhem! Dean recently confided in me his love for Hammer films and old Universal horror flicks. So expect a real horror comic from this guy. With #26 (called BURYING THE BONES) I’ve given Jock a script that is virtually the anti-thesis to a Losers comic, with several opportunities for him to play with form and structure, so keep an eye out for it. It should be really interesting. The work he’s turned in so far is stylistically ambitious. Also #25 will be the first issue overseen by my new editor and friend PORNSAK PICHETSHOTE. It’s been absolutely great working with him and like JON VANKIN before, he seems to be putting up with my wandering mind and profound insecurities just fine. And don’t forget my first Swamp Thing trade, LOVE IN VAIN is still available.

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Teaser poster for the film MONSTER HOUSE

Next year, around the time the movie MONSTER HOUSE hits theatres, SKULL AND BONES: A MONSTER HOUSE STORY will be landing in comic book stores. Over forty pages of all-ages horror fun that’s a companion piece to the film. It’s from IDW and drawn in a wonderfully whimsical style. This is my first work for this publisher. I’ve only seen the opening five pages and they look really great. The second comic book title that I ever wrote (CHASSIS) was an all-ages comedy and it was nice to get back to that softer voice during the writing of this work.

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Original, sold out cover to the first issue of CAPTAIN GRAVITY AND THE POWER OF THE VRIL. A reprint of #1 can be purchesed at the PFP website (link below).

CAPTAIN GRAVITY AND THE POWER OF THE VRIL (Penny Farthing Press) has wrapped and the collected trade should be hitting sometime in 2007. There will be THIRTY new pages of story and art included!! These extra pages do not constitute a backup story but will be part of the actual narrative. Sal Velluto, as always, is rocking it. I can’t wait for this. Sal and I have been kicking around ideas for the next Captain Gravity adventure, but I haven’t had time to sit down and give it the attention it needs, soon, though, hopefully this year. I loved writing this character and I think giving Sal more input on the book can only make it better. Sal is a gentle soul, a fierce artist and an all around stand-up human being. You can read some pages of the first issue here.

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Dean Haspeil… Warrior!

Dean Haspiel and I are still sitting on a fantastic pitch that editor Joan Hilty has asked us to modify for the DCU. I’m lagging behind on that task as well. In fact I’ve been downright unprofessional about the whole thing. I really love the original pitch and I think I’m having a hard time making the changes Joan is asking for. And now Dean is booked for the year. But it’s cool. Dean and I will work on something eventually. I should really call Joan and apologize for my half-assedness.

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It’s true… Luis Reyes is Jesus Christ.

I finally followed up with Luis Reyes, my editor at TOKYO POP, and got him some artist test pages based on a pitch I slung his way about a year ago. It’s called INSECT SONG and I’m really desperate to do it. It would be my first original project since VIOLENT MESSIAHS. And original work is more the direction I’d like to go in. I’m telling ya, there just needs to be more hours in the day.

Plus, don’t forget, there are those two big projects I can’t talk about until they’ve solidified more. One at DARK HORSE the other at VERTIGO. I’ll give you the heads up when the time is right.

So there you are. I gotta get back to the grind. Peace, love and all that hippie shit,
Joshua

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FANTASTIC REVIEW OF “SWAMP THING: LOVE IN VAIN”!!

Posted on by Joshua Dysart Posted in Comic Books, Home, Press & Appearances | Leave a comment

Full review by the obviously brilliant Olivia Woodward at Silver Bullet Comic Books

“This is an amazing set of stories. Dysart’s writing is among the best in contemporary comics. He balances old-fashioned, EC style monster stories with the intense conceptual explorations for which the Vertigo imprint is known. It is both a thrilling read and a moving reflection on some of the core elements of human existence, loneliness and love, delusion and faith. Moreover, it isn’t a awkwardly crafted see-saw narrative, with alternating scenes of action and contemplation. Both the horror and exploration are unified in the story. In fact, the greatest horror doesn’t come from the revulsion of monstrous sexual intercourse or vicious violence; it comes from the realization that love and faith may fail, leaving us abandoned and forlorn in loneliness.”

Ahhh… ego stroke… mmmmm…

Meanwhile… back at the Hall of Justice…
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“This wall is mine!!”

Fear and Loathing in Utah. OR… SWAT team shuts down outdoor rave for which, according to the promoters, they had all the necessary permits.

Posted on by Joshua Dysart Posted in Journal, News & Politics | Leave a comment

“No one resisted. That�s for sure. They had police dogs raiding the crowd of people and I saw a dog signal out a guy who obviously had some drugs on him. The soldiers attacked the guy (4 of them on 1), and kicked him a few times in the ribs and had their knees in his back and sides. As they were cuffing him, there was about 1000 kids trying to leave in the backdrop, peacefully. Next thing I know, A can of fucking TEAR GAS is launched into the crowd. People are running and screaming at this point. Girls are crying, guys are cussing� bad scene.”

Click here for video footage of the bust and a PDF of the Sheriff’s report.

“The police confiscated 3 video tapes in total. People were trying to document what was happening out there. The police saw one guy filming and ran after him, tackled him and his camera fell, and luckily.. his friend grabbed it and ran and got away. priceless footage. That�s not all though. Out of 1,500 people, there�s sure to be more footage.”

Click here and here for first hand acocunts by some of the DJ’s.

“The police were rounding up the staff of the party and the main promoter went up to them with the permit for the show and said �here, I have the permit.� The police then said, �no you don�t� and ripped the permit out of his hand. Then, they put an assault rifle to his forehead and said �get the fuck out of here right now.�”

Here’s the statement made by THE DRUG POLICY ALLIANCE.

Here’s how the local news is spinning it.

Freedom in America!

Meanwhile, that same night (August 20, 2005) in Colorado, Hunter S. Thompson, a fallen soldier in the war against hypocrisy, fascism and boredom, had his ashes launched out of a cannon. Militarism abounds, Soldier’s in Utah play with their guns, stroking their barrels, busting hot little pieces of terrorist rave candy (badges and faces covered) while Thompson mocks them, even in death, with the biggest dick of all.

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The cremated remains of the gonzo journalist supreme explode amid fireworks over his 42-acre Woody Creek property.