Robot Spammer Capitalist Fuckers be Gone!!

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This was one of the hundreds of posts spammed to my site in the last few days (the poster’s command of English is fantastic!):

“Do You have enough pwoer to provide your patrner high quality S-EX on St.Valentine day? Get a MONSTTER pwoer, nothing can bring your ererction down! Show your partner the PWOER of your LOEV and she will always remember You. Loev will ALWAYS be associated with YOU! Your order will be PRIVATE, nobody will know what You use. Follow this link and get SSPECIAL DISSCOOUNT for that period!”

That’s right! The hero of the bowery knows the game. You need Herbal Viagra!! Punk rock has a big dick so get with the program!! We have the proven penis enlargement for you!! All here at JoshuaDysart.com!!

AGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Internet! The greatest idea in the history of the species (at least since yoga) and these assholes use it to spam my tiny, un-ambitious website, proving, once and for all, that some form of viral evil will infect every model of communication humanity dreams up! We are poisoned to the bone, my children!! Poisoned to the bone!!

Screw the fictional, perpetually erect, golden boy these insecurity vultures are trying to pass off as the standard for masculinity!! The guys who figured out how to give me this electronic advertising VD were the same bastards who were selling snake oil out the back of a wagon a hundred and fifty years ago! (Or just 75 years ago if you’re from west Texas).

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Every year during May and June, thousands of villagers from remote areas of the Himalayan region of Nepal, risking their own lives, head for high mountains to collect yarsagumba, believed to be a cure for sexual impotency, among other things. It is estimated that one villager can earn up to Rs. 2,500 approximately $35 a day by collecting yarsagumba which is beyond the monthly salary of many Nepalese households. Yarsagumba with its Latin name cordyceps sinesis literally means “summer plant and winter insect” in Tibetan. Before the rainy season begins, spores of the cordyceps mushroom settle on the heads of caterpillars’ that live underground. The fungus gets so much into the body of the caterpillar that it grows out through its head and drains all the energy from the insect ultimately killing it. (Intelligent Design my ass).

Sigh… all right, that’s it… my rant’s done. Of course my raving won’t keep the bastards from attaching their mindless ad leeches to my site, but I want the posting feature to start being more active. I’d like to communicate to my readers through it. It’s not perfect, but it’s something. It’ll mean I’ll have to be more pro-active about cleaning the spam out of course. I’ll do my best.

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In December of 2000 a Welsh rugby team “The Wizards” began to stiffen its defense with the help from a Chinese supplement dubbed “herbal viagra.” A product containing an extract of fungus taken from the larval remains of silkworms.

It’s been a long time since I’ve given any love to this site. I’ve been busy… which is awesome (more on that below), but I figure I should post something so that the first thing new people see isn’t that picture of me pissing on a wall from the last entry. Particularly since I have an all-ages horror comic coming out this summer, and 13 to 16 year-old kids need to see my penis about as much as they need to be sold herbal Viagra.

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Ginseng root on a billboard in downtown Shanghai. Remarkably managing to be phallic and have a vagina at the same time.

I’m going to try to make something interesting of this site. You know, post more regularly, lots of links… even some new ideas about content that I can’t mention here for fear that the whim will pass and the plans will never be executed. I have two big projects looming (which I can’t talk about yet) and they might get in the way of this website’s master plan, but we’ll see. Also, it should be mentioned that I’m a laughable example of anything but lazy. Generally, I’d rather go over the falls than row. But I have an inkling of creativity and a persistent desire to never have a day job again, so it’s definitely in my best interest to keep this website up to date, looking professional and filled with relatively engaging content. We’ll see how it goes.

WORK IS GOOD

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Cover to the upcoming Swamp Thing #26 “Burying the Bones”

My second SWAMP THING trade (from Vertigo Comics), HEALING THE BREACH, will be hitting in February. The book includes the title story by ENRIQUE BRECCIA, plus the stories THE HOLLAND MIND drawn by Ronald Wimberly and LITTLE RUNAWAY by the incomparable RICHARD CORBEN. The trade features my most experimental storytelling on the title to date, so check it out. The monthly pamphlet is wrapping up THE BLEEDING RACONTEUR story line this month, then guest artists DEAN ORMSTOM (BOOKS OF MAGIC: LIFE DURING WARTIME) will be penciling #25 and JOCK (THE LOSERS) will be busting out #26. Both of these cats are awesome, and I’ve been seeing the pages from them as they come in. They’re just going to be fantastic looking books. #25, entitled MEANWHILE… IN HOUMA, is all monsters, girls and mayhem! Dean recently confided in me his love for Hammer films and old Universal horror flicks. So expect a real horror comic from this guy. With #26 (called BURYING THE BONES) I’ve given Jock a script that is virtually the anti-thesis to a Losers comic, with several opportunities for him to play with form and structure, so keep an eye out for it. It should be really interesting. The work he’s turned in so far is stylistically ambitious. Also #25 will be the first issue overseen by my new editor and friend PORNSAK PICHETSHOTE. It’s been absolutely great working with him and like JON VANKIN before, he seems to be putting up with my wandering mind and profound insecurities just fine. And don’t forget my first Swamp Thing trade, LOVE IN VAIN is still available.

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Teaser poster for the film MONSTER HOUSE

Next year, around the time the movie MONSTER HOUSE hits theatres, SKULL AND BONES: A MONSTER HOUSE STORY will be landing in comic book stores. Over forty pages of all-ages horror fun that’s a companion piece to the film. It’s from IDW and drawn in a wonderfully whimsical style. This is my first work for this publisher. I’ve only seen the opening five pages and they look really great. The second comic book title that I ever wrote (CHASSIS) was an all-ages comedy and it was nice to get back to that softer voice during the writing of this work.

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Original, sold out cover to the first issue of CAPTAIN GRAVITY AND THE POWER OF THE VRIL. A reprint of #1 can be purchesed at the PFP website (link below).

CAPTAIN GRAVITY AND THE POWER OF THE VRIL (Penny Farthing Press) has wrapped and the collected trade should be hitting sometime in 2007. There will be THIRTY new pages of story and art included!! These extra pages do not constitute a backup story but will be part of the actual narrative. Sal Velluto, as always, is rocking it. I can’t wait for this. Sal and I have been kicking around ideas for the next Captain Gravity adventure, but I haven’t had time to sit down and give it the attention it needs, soon, though, hopefully this year. I loved writing this character and I think giving Sal more input on the book can only make it better. Sal is a gentle soul, a fierce artist and an all around stand-up human being. You can read some pages of the first issue here.

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Dean Haspeil… Warrior!

Dean Haspiel and I are still sitting on a fantastic pitch that editor Joan Hilty has asked us to modify for the DCU. I’m lagging behind on that task as well. In fact I’ve been downright unprofessional about the whole thing. I really love the original pitch and I think I’m having a hard time making the changes Joan is asking for. And now Dean is booked for the year. But it’s cool. Dean and I will work on something eventually. I should really call Joan and apologize for my half-assedness.

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It’s true… Luis Reyes is Jesus Christ.

I finally followed up with Luis Reyes, my editor at TOKYO POP, and got him some artist test pages based on a pitch I slung his way about a year ago. It’s called INSECT SONG and I’m really desperate to do it. It would be my first original project since VIOLENT MESSIAHS. And original work is more the direction I’d like to go in. I’m telling ya, there just needs to be more hours in the day.

Plus, don’t forget, there are those two big projects I can’t talk about until they’ve solidified more. One at DARK HORSE the other at VERTIGO. I’ll give you the heads up when the time is right.

So there you are. I gotta get back to the grind. Peace, love and all that hippie shit,
Joshua

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Posted on by Joshua Dysart Posted in Cool Stuff!, Journal, Science & Tech

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